Being "too strong"

Aug 1, 2024

Recently, I received feedback along the lines of “your character is too strong”.

Huh. Curious.

Being a (somewhat reluctant) leader and female in tech, such feedback is concerning. Do I exhibit behaviour that prevents healthy discourse? Do I not consult people sufficiently before making decisions? Do I give the impression that I’m not listening when people talk?

And yet.

Feedback has to be taken in context. Who is giving the feedback? Why are they giving the feedback? What is the behavioural change they want to see? How does me being “less strong” benefit them? What examples can they cite, with regards to my character being too strong? Is this consistent with the feedback I get from others?

Also, since when has strength in character actually been something we need to fix?

When we reframe “too strong”, does that also not mean being assertive, honest, and decisive?

Very curious.

Which is it? What’s going on?

I’ve had a history of been overly self-critical, and dismissive towards my boundaries. And yet, having recently read “Leadership and Self-Deception”, I’m also concerned if I am too focused on self-justification, and thereby perceiving ill intent on others.

What are my intentions when I question such feedback? What were my real intentions, during instances that led others to give me this feedback?

Work is hard. Relationships are hard. Where in the spectrum on truth are we, and how can we tell?